I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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