it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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