good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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