Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
