dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
