i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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