I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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