the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
