I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
