last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
