Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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