Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
