WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
accomplished twins. life is a go
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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