oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
