Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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