what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
