Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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