omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize