it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
