you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
