Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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