Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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