Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
