hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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