i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
