That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
