Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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