Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
