Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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