so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
