She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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