i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
