You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
