Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
