yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had to cum in my sink.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
