I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
