I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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