then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
