Kareoke will never be a sober sport
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i drank out of a bidet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
