we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize