:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
