I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize