It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
