meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
