dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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