The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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