Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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