I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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