Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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