based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
