I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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