They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize