it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
