A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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