this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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