I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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