Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
