So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
