and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
