Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
