I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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