im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
