Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
