I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
