I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
