the condom got lost in my hair
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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