I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
