We won't sleep together?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
