was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
