Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
