i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize