i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
