She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
