He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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