this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
