Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
