this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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