This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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