I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
