His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
