A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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